3 Months Ago

3 months ago today I met the most handsome boy the universe has ever seen and I fell madly in love. Every single day of my life is better than the last because I get to spend it with him.

Becoming a mother has certainly been an adventure. Its everything I thought it would be and more. When you're pregnant everyone tells you how wonderfull motherhood will be and tries to give you tips on how to prepare yourself for it. There is no preparing for motherhood! This is an open book test and you will be expected to seek out the answers anywhere you can find them. There's little room for error and the grading curve tends to be VERY steep! I have a few girlfriends that are expecting and a few more that are trying to get pregnant. Each of them has asked me over the last 3 months to tell them what to expect and give them tips on how to prepare themselves. I've composed the following list for them:

- It matters not who you were before you became a mother. You could've had nerves of steele and the energy of the Energizer Bunny. No matter who you were pre-motherhood you will now become an unshowered, indecisive, hormonal, sleep deprived, love stricken ball of nerves that spends all of her time worrying about things that would've never crossed your radar previously. You will range anywhere from self doubt to guilt to elation and everywhere in between all day long. Sure, this doesn't sound pleasant but its really quite exciting most of the time!

- You will repeatedly catch yourself wondering what you ever could've done right to deserve such an immense blessing. If you didn't have any sort of faith in a higher being, you will now!

- Your clothes won't fit, your hair will either be greasy or the texture of dry grass (either way its still falling out in clumps and you're afraid you'll be bald by morning). Speaking of hair, you now have it EVERYWHERE and are starting to resemble an ape. You may need a tampon at any given moment throughout the day as that part of your body now has a mind of its own and won't be back on any sort of a schedule until God only knows when. Your teeth haven't been brushed since... well, since you're not sure when because you keep forgetting! You'll need some very expensive and very heavy makeup to cover up the circles under your eyes, the acne scars and that lovely pigmentation issue that cropped up sometime in the last trimester of pregnancy. The funny part is that you couldn't care less! I'm typically fastidious about grooming and my apperance but, as my mother pointed out, the baby doesn't care if you're hairy or have on any makeup!

- Its just poop! Of course the first few days you're a little squeamish because you've not ever had to tend to anyone elses behind but your own but after that it gets better. Honestly, after the first time you've had a constipated and screaming baby, you're more than happy to see a little poop! In addition, poop will become a hot topic of conversation around your house. What color, what consitency, what time, how many times etc. Although this is a topic of interest for you, the cashier at the grocery store, your mechanic and all of your Facebook friends won't be interested. I know, what's their problem?!

- Your schedule is no longer your own, day or night. This especially holds true if you're nursing. All of those daydreams you had while pregnant of putting the baby down for a nap in his crib at exactly 11:00, getting your housework done, returning phone calls and taking a shower will be shattered once you realize that babys sleep when they want to sleep, not when you want them to. Although you get up at 5am these days, you're lucky if by 5pm when your husband walks through the door you've gotten the dishes in the dishwasher and gotten yourself and the baby out of your PJ's. You get extra points if you manage to have remembered to take something out for dinner and brush your teeth! Your husband will appreciate your not having dragon breath while briefing him on the state of the poop that day!

- You will start to truely envy the octopus. What wouldn't you give to have just 2 more arms? You will learn to multi task like a champ. You learn quickly that when you're holding a sleeping baby, and you'd like him to stay asleep, you use any means necessary to get what you need without the assistance of your hands. Toes work just as well as fingers with a little practice!

- That gym memebership that you used to pay a million dollars a month for? You won't be needing that anymore. Carrying around a 15 pound baby who's a light sleeper while trying to fold laundry, make dinner and go potty is more cardio than you ever got in your past life. You'll have the upper body of a tennis pro in 6 weeks! That stretched out spare tire around your midsection is a little trickier. I've not figured that one out yet..

And finally,

- You will wake up every morning with an unwavering commitment to do whatever it takes, no matter the toll on your body, checkbook or social life, to make this precious baby happy because you love him with every fiber of your very being and existence. Its all very simple really, he is your life now. Everytime he smiles at you it solidifies that commitment just a little more. Until you become a mother you will never know how much you can really love someone nor will you truely know the meaning of sacrifice.

Its just a big crazy mess most days but you won't mind. You'll learn that having a spotless house isn't as important or nearly as much fun as watching your smiling baby and listening to him coo. Eventually you'll start caring about your hair and your clothes again but by that time you'll be too busy chasing around a toddler who's into everything to really fuss about it!

These last 3 months have been the happiest of my life. I'm not sure anymore what I did without Caleb but I'm sure it had to have been pretty boring! I couldn't ask for a cuter, sweeter and smarter baby than Caleb, a better husband than Brett, better friends or a better family. Brett and I are truely blessed.

Once I figure out how to post pictures ( they changed the process) I've got about a million for you to see! Stay tuned, I've got a feeling that this is going to be a very exciting month!

Xoxo,

Brett, Sam and Caleb
--
Sent from my Android phone with K-9 Mail. Please excuse my brevity.

Never A Dull Moment!

What a fun week! This week has been full of playing and learning. Not only has my little Mensa canidate figured out how to grab his toes he's also figured out how to grab everything else in sight and put it into his mouth! In the matter of days Brett and I have gone from having a smiling little ball of jerky movements to having to watch every little thing he gets near. And so it begins.. As I'd mentioned, Caleb is REALLY interested in the kitty! He looks like he's really thinking hard about how he's going to get that kittys tail in his mouth. Needless to say, the cats are starting to sleep with one eye open these days!

The last 2 weeks have been almost like a dream around here. Ever since the change in Caleb's formula and increase in his medication it seems like a dark cloud has been lifted and we're starting to see the sun again. We rarely have hysterical crying for no apparent reason and he's starting to nap a little better. I've even gotten him into his swing a few times this week for a snooze. Prior to this week, anytime I would even act like I was going to set him down in the swing he would scream until he was purple so we're making progress! I think that he's so used to feeling awful that he just doesn't know what to do with himself when he doesn't. Hence our napping problem. Its entirely possible that he's just a cat napper by nature however I find that hard to believe given that he sleeps so well at night. I don't think we'll truely know until he's been feeling well for more than a few days or hours at a time. We're extreemly hopefull that we've found a system that's going to work f
or him.

We're still struggling, unfortunatly, with trying to make people understand that, although it seems that he's getting better, we're still not out of the woods. We're also not real willing to rock the boat right now. As silly as it may seem, we're afraid that one false move and we'll be right back at square one. We're not ready to risk it just yet. I'm also no more ready now than I've ever been to leave him with someone. I think Brett put it best when he said that people are treating its as though Caleb is 12 and we're not allowing him out of the house without us. He's not even 3 months old yet. Most days he wants Mama and only Mama and I don't see a thing wrong with that. There will come a day, sooner than I'd prefer to think about, that he's not going to want a thing to do with me. Until that day comes, I will be right here whenever he needs or wants me. Furthermore, I kind of like the little guy and I prefer to spend all of my time with him! I don't want to miss one smile,
giggle,
coo or tear. I will know when I'm ready but that's not going to be anytime soon.

Typically Sunday mornings are my morning to sleep in but tomorrow is the last Wright golf outting of the year so I'm on duty. I had better get to bed, my little charge doesn't take no for an answer when he's ready to get up!

Yay!

Good morning all!

Today is the day, Caleb has found his sweet toes! He's been working hard to get ahold of them and he finally has! He scared himself when he finally did it but now he's even more interested in doing it again! Its pretty funny to watch him concentrating on them in the morning.

I feel like notifying the media! I'm glad that he thinks his toes are as great as we do:)

Updates And Such

Hello all of my dear blog friends!

I'm sorry I've not posted more recently, we've had a very busy few weeks! There's so much to catch you up on! Where to start...?

When he's feeling well and has taken some amount of a nap, Caleb is about the happiest baby I've ever known! He smiles almost constantly and has started to "talk" to mommy and daddy in his sweet coo's. His coo's are the most beautiful sound in the world and we can't hardly get enough of them! This works out pretty well because he's become a real talker lately! In fact, he held a conversation with his grandma this morning on speaker phone! He's his mama's boy! He's begun to think he's pretty funny too. I will frequently catch him looking at something and suddenly he'll break out in a big smile and start laughing. He's also found his toes. He loves to sit in his bed in the morning or in his bouncy chair while mama does her chores and talk to his toes. He's been practicing trying to grab them and he's almost there! He's also been really trying to reach for my hair, fingers, daddys lip and the kitty. The cat is delighted as you can imagine! He has really started to take an intere
st in
putting things into his mouth. And so it begins! He's started to try to sit up too and he's got such a strong little upper body that I'm not sure its going to be much longer until he just decides to do it!

We went for our 2 month check-up on the 8th and everything is perfect. He now weighs 13.8 pounds and is 23 3/4 inches long. He's in the 94th percentile for weight, 86th percentile for length and 72nd percentile for his head diameter. Lots and lots of room for his huge genius brain:) The doctor also told me that he's about a month ahead of his peers developmentally. Such a big and smart boy! He's already giving mommy and daddy a run for our money and we imagine it will only get better once he's mobile! We couldn't ask for a sweeter, happier or smarter baby and we just can't wait to see what he does next!

As many of you know, Caleb has reflux. And I'm not talking just a little colic here and there, I'm talking 24 hour a day 7 day a week discomfort. To give you an idea of what he's going through, the experts describe it as being about 10 times worse than colic and about 50 times worse than what we as adults know as heartburn. Not fun! We've had him on 2 different medications in the last month or so and still haven't found anything that really helps all of the time. When he was initially diagnosed, we were warned that acute reflux is very resistant to treatment and we shouldn't expect any sort of quick fix. That couldn't have been more accurate! She also said that infants almost always grow out of reflux by the time they're 6-8 months old so that's encouraging. I've suspected for about 3 weeks now that he's lactose intollerant as well. We were back to see the doctor this last Friday and she confirmed that he is in fact lactose intollerant and instructed me to change him to soy f
ormula
right away. Just what he needs right, something else irritating his little tummy! So far the soy formula seems to be agreeing with him though and helping a bit with the reflux. We also switched his medication again so hopefully this will be the winning combination. Keep your fingers and toes crossed for us!

This brings me to my next point. I'm not aware of anything in this world that is as painful as watching your tiny baby suffer and not being able to do anything besides try your very hardest to comfort him and get the both of you through a day. One day at a time, it won't be this way forever. I have to repeat those words to myself every hour of every day. We have days that he just screams and wiggles around in pain for pretty much the entire day and night and nothing I can do helps. We have days when he is a little better but still bordering on inconsolable for the better part of the day and night. Then we have days, usually after a particularly bad day, that he's just so exhausted that he doesn't even have the energy to put up a fuss so he sleeps intermitently all day. Like I said, its excruciating and positivly heartbreaking to watch and try to deal with. I've been told that motherhood is going to bed every night and promising yourself that you'll do better tomorrow. That's
about
all I know to do at the end of each day. Its begun to take a real toll on me and I hate that.

As all of you mothers know, I am instinctually compelled to do anything and everything I can to help him. When I can't make it better it's devistating. It's a feeling that I can't explain and I don't think you could fully grasp the magnitude of this feeling unless you've ever had it. We've struggled to try to explain just how terrible this really is for Caleb to our family and friends and not a lot of people so far have really understood. The hardest part of these last 2 1/2 months hasn't been the lack of sleep or lack of social life, its been the demands and expectations of those around us. Trying to get everyone to understand that Caleb isn't your normal 2 month old and that he can't handle a lot of the things that most babies his age can has been a challenge at the very least. Of course everyone has nothing but the best of intentions and would never intentionally do anything to harm Caleb in any way. Prioritizing our outtings and visits has become a challenge as well and a
lot of
people have become angry with us. It's important that we get over to vist with Brett's Grandparents and Grandma Wright, my Grandma, my Mom and Brett's parents but these have to be well planned trips. We try to stagger any other visits throughout the week and all of the day to day errands usually wait until Brett is home. When you have a baby with reflux you don't just load them in the car and go do whatever you want whenever you want to do it. When we're to be somewhere I have to start first thing in the morning with trying to get him down for naps and trying to keep him well rested and with doing my level best to keep him as un-stimulated as possible. Any sort of new stimuli sends reflux babies over the edge and brings on new attacks. They do their very best when at home with familiar faces and little to no new stimuli. We have to be so careful at home about the volume of the TV and the lights and any new smells otherwise he's miserable. So you see, a seemingly harmless trip
to the
grocery store, dinner out or a visit isn't something that we can do frequently or on a whim.

Its been suggested more than once by more than a few people that Brett and I need to get out, without Caleb, for dinner and a movie. That won't be happening anytime in the near future. He's only 2 months old and I'm not at all comfortable leaving him with anyone right now. He's just too little and doesn't need to be seperated from me right now if its not imperative that we do so. Furthermore, how am I ever to explain to anyone how to take care of him? As I said, this isn't your standard 2 month old. It would take me a month to make a list of what he needs and explain to someone how to keep him comfortable and honestly I have to be looking at him to know what he needs. I've been called a lot of things and accused of spoiling him because I won't allow anyone to tend him. I'm fine with this. Maybe once he's a little older and we've got a better handle on his medication and on how to keep him comfortable I'll feel differently. Maybe I'm wrong but I have to do what I think is best
for
Caleb and I just cannot see making Caleb suffer just so Brett and I can go eat some dinner. I've heard over and over that such-and-such left their baby with someone when they were just weeks old and that such-and-such goes here and there and just takes baby right along. That's wonderful, I wish that Caleb and I didn't have to spend most of our days in this house but if that's what it takes for him feel well then that's exactly what we'll do! I cannot wait until we can do all of the things that we want to do and to show Caleb the world! I cannot wait until everyone gets to see the sweet happy boy that Brett and I know. Until then, I hope that we can find a way to get and keep Caleb comfortable and that everyone will be patient with us.

I will post new picture soon and keep everyone updated on how we're doing and how Caleb is feeling!

Eeek!

So, here I sit, all alone... for the first time in 8 weeks and 1 day I am without baby. Brett came home from work tonight and announced that he was going over to his mom and dad's and would like to take Caleb with him. He thinks I may need an hour or so of "mommy time" which I believe may just be his way of telling me nicely that I look like warmed over hell! I shower, sleep, eat, shop and do laundry with Caleb right by my side. What am I to do with my "mommy time"? Blog I guess.. I'm not honestly sure what to do right now. I think its wonderfull that Brett's taken Caleb and they're going to have some guy time and see grandma and grandpa but I can't lie, I'm a nervous wreck! I've read that at this point they don't really comprehend the idea that something or someone exists when they can't see it or them. This idea suited me just fine up until about 15 minutes ago! In all honesty I'm afraid had Brett given me anymore notice than he did I would've lost it entirely. He likely kn
ew
this. In Caleb's short 8 weeks and 1 day of life he has never been without me for more than about 20 minutes at a time. I know he's in good hands with his dad (or at least his grandma) but I can't help but worry. I packed their diaper bag, made sure that Caleb was dressed warmly enough, kissed him goodbye 200 times and sent them on their way with strict orders to be gone no more than an hour. I suppose I should go do something about my ratty hair and clean the kitchen.. and try not to have a panick attack:) This day was coming eventually right?

New Pictures

I know I promised yesterday that I would post the new pictures of Caleb here. Well, I can't seem to figure out how to do that... :)

They are all on my Facebook so take a look if you'd like!

Pictures! Pictures!

So I've got a ton of new and awesome pictures of Caleb. Why have I not posted them you ask? Well, it turns out that this little boy of mine is already smarter than I am and knows when I want him to take a nap so I can get something done. Such as posting pictures. I will endeavor to have this done today. Let me know if you'd like a copy of the disk or the prints!

P.S. we have a 2 month old today. How bizzare and awesome is that?!