Things I Wish I Would've Know

The entire time I was pregnant with Caleb everyone I knew ( and even a few that I didn't) tried to tell me what they thought I needed to know before becoming a mother. A lot of it was pretty universal no matter who you talked to, a lot of it was very helpful and comforting and some of it was just plain scary. I worry enough for everyone so I don't need any help being scared and worried! Like any first time parents we are terrified that we may not only hurt him physically but also somehow scar him emotionally for the rest of his life. We, of course, logically realize that God made these little creatures resilliant if not only for the reason that parents make mistakes. We are under no false impressions that we will be any different.

Everyone told us how hard these first few months would be, how parenthood would irrevocably change us as people and as a couple forever and how we would just instinctivly know a lot of the things that we would need to know so to trust those instincts always. These are the things that stand out in my mind as the most helpful advice we received. There are so many things that I've figured out in the last 3 weeks that I wish someone would've shared with me so now I will share them with all of my soon-to-be mommy friends.

- You've never, ever known love like this. It can't be described. For some it happens as soon as you see your brand new baby and for others it takes a little time. As long as you get there, that's all that matters. It's an amazing moment for a mother when you realize that you've always loved this tiny miracle, you just hadn't met them yet.

- You will automatically stop considering yourself and your own needs. What you need and want no longer matters to you. You will do absolutely anything to make sure this baby has what he needs and wants.

- You had no idea what tired was before now. I don't care how many late nights you've had partying/studying/worrying, you've never known exhaustion like this. Like I said though, it's completely worth it.

- You will figure out, sooner rather than later most likely, that you are going to be peed on, spit up on, pooped on and thrown up on. A lot of times all in the same day. Plan on spending the better part of your day hunched over your changing table. Also, don't wear anything you're too attached to, anything that comes out of baby stains like you wouldn't believe!

- You will be expected to be a mind reader. Read all the books you'd like on hunger cues and symptomatic communiction, God knows I did, but you still won't understand why this precious angel is screaming his face off and turning shades of purple at 3am. Its all about keeping your cool and going through the process of elimination.

- Make time for yourself. Even if you just shut the door and sit in the bathroom in the peace and quiet for 10 minutes. Give that gift to yourself.

- No job that you've ever had or will have is as hard and demanding as being a mom. With that in mind, you'll never do anything that is this rewarding or fulfilling.

And last but certainly not least

- Make sure you're entering into this amazing journey with someone you can trust, rely on and laugh with.

In the end, all that matters is that the baby is happy, healthy and safe. If you've accomplished that, what's a little throw up in your hair? :)
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Sent from my Android phone with K-9 Mail. Please excuse my brevity.

He's hungry again?

All this kid does is eat.. and eat.. and eat! If there's anything that he knows how to do and do well its eat. And poop. He does a shocking amount of that as well. I'm beginning to worry that he's either got a tape worm or a hollow appendage. To see him when he's hungry, which is about every 40-90 minutes, you'd think we're starving him. Clearly this isn't the case. We have the formula bill to prove it! Speaking of which, if he continues at this rate I'm afraid Brett's going to need a second job or we're going to need to take out a loan! He's such a big boy and growing so quickly that formula alone doesn't seem to be keeping him satisfied for long.

On my mom and grandma's advice I gave Caleb a little rice cereal tonight. He had about a tablespoon. I don't believe in putting it in a bottle for many reasons so I fed it to him by spoon. He not only ate it all but did so like a barracuda and ate off of his spoon like he was an old pro! I was all prepared for him to make faces and then spit it out at me right away but he surprised us. I can't lie, he did make a few faces and had to play with it for a minute before he got the hang of it but once that was all over he went to town!

I'm fully aware of both sides of the cereal argument, particularly as it pertains to giving it to infants. I would like to clarify that I didn't do it in hopes that it would make him sleep longer at night. I also don't agree with that reasoning. He only wakes up twice in the night and is only awake long enough to eat, burp and have his pants changed so there wouldn't be any reason for me to try to trick him into sleeping better. We consider ourselves fortunate that he already sleeps so well. Even with this nasty cold that he's had he's still slept for at least 2 hours at a time. It seems that he's his mothers child!

The problem now is that, after he had his cereal, he of course passed out cold for about an hour and then was awake and wanting a 4 ounce bottle. He took another 45 minute nap and then had another 2 ounces. He's been up roughly every hour or so since and had at least 2 ounces each time so we're really right back where we started. If anyone has any better ideas, I'm absolutely open for suggestions! It just doesn't seem to me that he's satisfied after his feedings although he is giving me my requisite of wet diapers. What's a mama to do?

P.S. We took a bunch of really cute pictures of him eating his cereal. I will post them soon!

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Sent from my Android phone with K-9 Mail. Please excuse my brevity.

How The Time Flys!

At 2:30 this morning I was awake (sort of) feeding monkey and it dawned on me, at 2:30am exactly 3 weeks ago he had just been born and was probably having his first bath with Daddy while I was in surgery. Where did the last 3 weeks go? As this was all running through my mind I was looking at Caleb and thinking that it seems he's been here all my life. Its an amazing thing to realize how much you've missed and loved someone that didn't even exist. He's the tiny piece of my life that's been missing this whole time and what I truely belive I was put on this earth for. I think his Daddy feels the same way. Neither of us can imagine how we ever lived without him. We are sleep deprived, quickly becoming poor with the way this kid eats and poops, and our house is cluttered and filthy but we wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Whatever it takes, he's worth it!

Caleb and I had somewhat of a rough start together. Our labor and birth was very long and traumatic for both of us and it very nearly killed me. He was taken away from me as soon as he was born and we didn't meet until about 5 hours later. We spent about 45 minutes together and then he was wisked away from me again so that I could rest and have the 2nd of 3 blood transfusions. For the first few days I had seen him so little that he seemed like a figment of my imagination. As you can imagine, that first 24 hours of seperation hindered our initial bonding. In the weeks since we've been home we've made up for that lost time but it hasn't been easy to do so. The first week we were home there was an almost constant stream of visitors. He dealt with all of the people, comotion and being manhandled pretty well for the first few days. Finally he'd had enough and just had a little baby panic attack. It was terrible and it took nearly 2 hours to calm him down. Brett and I decided then
and
there that we'd be drastically limiting the amount of people allowed to visit and not allow most people touch him. He's one of those babies that is very easily overstimulated and once he's reached that point all hell breaks loose!

We've managed to stick to our agreement to limit the amount of visitors that we have and people that are allowed to touch him and although its worked like a charm and we have a generally happy baby now we've managed in the process to upset more than a few friends and family members. We absolutely know that everyone has the very best of intentions and just wants to help and we are so genuinely grateful for everyone's help and support. We never intended to hurt anyone's feelings and we hope that they will understand that our sole motivation for doing this is to protect our little boy. We still, every minute of every day, want to show him off to anyone and everyone that has eyes and shout from the rooftops that we have the most precious and perfect angel God ever made but that's not what's right for Caleb. If you're one of the people that we've upset by doing this, please try not to be too angry with us. If you'll just be patient with us we promise that, once he and Mommy have h
ad some
time to get to know one another, we've found some semblance of a routine and mommy is all healed up everyone that wants to meet him and get to know him will be more than welcome!

We love all of you and can't wait for you to know this sweet baby boy!

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Sent from my Android phone with K-9 Mail. Please excuse my brevity.

Mother And Let Mother

A few weeks before we found out we were pregnant with Caleb we learned that Brett's cousin Adam and his wife Stefanie were pregnant and his cousin Christie and her husband Pete were pregnant too, both with little girls. We were all due within 3 weeks of each other. Of course we were all ecstatic, how much better does it get than having 3 new babies all within weeks of each other? Brett and I were thankful that Caleb would have some cousins his own age to play with as our own siblings aren't anywhere close to having children yet.

Christie, Stefanie and I were lucky to have each other during our pregnancies and talked often. It was great to have 2 other people that knew exactly what you were going through and could relate. Or commiserate as was the case somedays. Now that these 3 sweet babies are here its amazing to see the differences in how we parent. It brings to mind something that has bothered me for a long time. It seems to me that mothers take every available opportunity to criticize, belittle and ostrasize other mothers. Why do we do this? Why does parenting your own individual child in your own individual way drive people, specifically other moms, to be so ugly? Being a mother, so far as I can tell in my 20 days of doing it, isn't a competition nor is how you do it up for public debate. They say that no two babies are alike so wouldn't it stand to reason that no two moms would be either? With the exception of abuse, neglect or any other extenuating circumstance there isn't any right or wrong w
ay to
be a good mom.

I say as long as they're fed, clothed, healthy, loved and safe you've done your job. Anything above and beyond that is personal choice and preference. I am not in charge of making the rules for your children. I'm not going to be held responsible for their actions nor do I have to put up with them. I make the rules and am responsible for my child and my child alone.

* I should mention that although I refered to Christie and Stef this is in no way directed at either of them, they are both fantastic mom's. It's not directed ant anyone actually, just people in general. *

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Am I missing something?

Now, as cute as this little monkey is stark naked, I would like it if he had some shorts or pants to wear. The problem is not that we don't have any shorts and pants. Quite the contrary actually, we have 2 drawers packed full of the cutest shorts and pants you've ever seen and that's just the newborn sizes. The problem is that none of them fit. He wears newborn onsies and shirts. In fact, he's almost outgrown all of his newborn onsies and shirts. Can anyone out there explain to me how it is that I have an almost 10 pound baby who's newborn size onsies and shirts are almost too small, but all of his newborn pants, shorts and overalls are still huge on him? I'm not talking a little room to grow here, I'm talking he's swimming in them and the shorts look like pants. He's still in newborn diapers too which I attribute more to the fact that he seems to have inherited his mama's lack of a behind.

Have I somehow missed some vital information pertaining to how to dress the bottom half of my child? I know he couldn't care less and since its been oppresivly hot he's more comfortable in just a onsie anyway but I feel bad for the poor guy. The handfull of times he's been out in public he's not had any pants on and every single vistor he's received has seen him dressed from only the waist up. A guy has to have some modesty right? I can picture him being upset with me as a teenager that I just left his business on the street in front of company and when he was in public! If he's upset about that I'm sure he's really not going to like that I shared this picture with the world! I can't help it, his nakedness is about the cutest thing I've ever seen!

Okay, maybe the upset teenager scenario is a little dramatic but really, what am I to do here?

Help!

Just Call Me Nurse Sam!

Caleb has his first cold. For some reason I thought we'd have at least another few months before he'd catch something. Apparently not. He and I were up all night long Friday night, he because he couldn't breathe out of his nose and was coughing and me because I was scared and had to watch to make sure he was still breathing. It's terrifying for a new Mom when your 18 day old baby cant breathe properly. By 6:00am I was a nervous, overtired wreck so I paged the doctor and, much to his displeasure, got him out of bed. Luckily our pediatricians office is open 7 days a week so we were able to be seen first thing Saturday morning. Sure enough, he has a cold and a pretty nasty one at that! The doctor sent us to the drug store for some saline nose drops and baby Tylenol. I was to come home, administer said nose drops as many times a day as I could and then aspirate his nose after doing it. Any of you that have ever had to do this know that, while this sounds easy enough, it's anything but. He screams, cries, gags and squirms. I promise him that it's almost over, hold my breath and do my best not to cry myself. Where is his owners manual?! Perhaps it's in the same place as my stack of money and skinny body!

From the moment I found out I was pregnant with Caleb I've read everything available on pregnancy, childbirth and babies. This is just what comes naturally to me. If I don't know about something or if I don't know how to do something I buy a book and read about it. I learned pretty early on that too much information can be worse than no information at all. The OBGYN had to tell me more than a few times during my pregnancy to stay off Google. I got myself all wound up again Friday night trying to "Google Diagnose" Caleb's symptoms. What I found told me that either he had a cold, a brain tumor or some form of Leukemia that I've never heard of. I was reminded again of why I should stay off of the computer and just page the doctor. Out of all of the things that I've read I can't say that anyone ever told me that being the mama of a sick baby is the most helpless feeling you will ever know. I cannot think of anything worse than watching your child suffer and not being able to do anything about it. His eyes are red and swollen, he's coughing, he's so congested you can hear him breathing from across the room and he can hardly sleep or eat and the best I can do is continue to put the drops in his nose and try to get some of this gunk out of there. I'm pretty sure, by the sounds of his screaming, that he'd prefer that I just leave it in there and let him feel like hell as opposed to what I'm doing. Poor little guy:(

Brett is out playing golf this afternoon so I think I will take this sweet boy and go try to take a nap. Is it still considered a nap when it's 5:30 at night?I think when you have a sick baby you can justify taking naps whenever and as often as you want. If I'm wrong, I don't want to know!

And Baby Makes 3!

So, I've decided to start a blog. I'm not sure how well I will do or like it but I after reading my cousin's blog yesterday I thought that this may be a good way to keep everyone updated as to how we're doing and what's new with us. In between feedings, diaper changes, laundry, cleaning the kitchen for the 4 millionth time and a nap here and there I vow to do my best to keep this blog current with pictures, news, my adventures as a new mom and our adventures as a family of 3.

I suppose the beginning is always a good place to start...

Back in October we were surprised and overjoyed to learn that I was pregnant with our 1st child. I say surprised because we weren't intending on getting pregnant just yet. We were actually planning on getting married (FINALLY!) this June. Sometimes life and the good Lord give you just what you need whether you know you need and want it or not. I took a pregnancy test on the afternoon of October 30th. I'd been feeling a little under the weather and just not like myself for about a week prior to that and had gone through the process of elimination before it occured to me that I may be pregnant. I was home alone that afternoon and when I saw those 2 little telltale blue lines I almost passed out! I couldn't believe it. I drove as fast as I could to the drug store and bought 2 more tests thinking that the 1st test must have been a fluke. As all of you ladies know, false positives with home pregnancy tests are almost unheard of. I know this as well but I wasn't listening to logic that afternoon! I got home and took the other 2 tests immediately, lined them up on the counter top, closed my eyes and counted to 10. I think it took all of about 2 seconds for the same 2 little blue lines to show up on those 2 tests too. At this point I had about $40.00 invested in home pregnancy tests and it seemed a little silly to rush back up to the drug store to buy another 2. What's funny is that I wasn't disappointed with the result I'd gotten with the 3 I'd taken, I just couldn't believe that it could be true and that I was going to get the one thing that I've always wanted the very most out of life, I was going to have a baby!!

I paced the house for about 15 minutes before realizing that I was going to burst if I didn't tell someone my news soon. I called my BFF in Florida and she screamed. I think she was just as shocked as I was. She was the first person to tell me that, if our calculations were correct, the baby would be due on my 28th birthday, July 5th. I hung up with her and decided to call my Mom. I had to call around for a few minutes before I reached her and when I finally did, it was loud and she could hardly hear me. When she finally did hear me clearly all she could say was "holy shit"! Sorry Mom, that was a classic response:) Once I had told my Mom I felt like it was real and I was on top of the world. I still had to tell Brett and he was due home in under an hour. Suddenly my elation was replaced with panic. How in the world was I going to break this to him? Hey babe, how was your day? By the way, do you have any plans next July? No? Well, would you like to be a Dad? That wasn't going to work... When Brett walked in that night I'm sure he could instantly tell that something was up. I told him in the middle of our kitchen before he'd even had a chance to set his things down and take off his shoes. I just blurted it out. He turned white as a ghost and kept asking me if I was sure. A minute or two later the color in his face slowly started to return and we hugged. That wasn't as bad as I thought! Our first doctors appointment was the following Wednesday and it was confirmed, I was 4 weeks along and due on July 5th.

We were lucky to have a pretty easy pregnancy with the exception of the first 3 1/2 months. I had vicious morning sickness and debilitating exhaustion. I had the kind of morning sickness that was also afternoon, evening, middle of the night and any time in between sickness. I was so tired that I'm still not sure how I managed to get out of bed and do anything at all during those months. I've always heard about the "glow" that pregnant women supposedly get. If by "glow" they mean raging acne, pure exhaustion, vomiting and nausea and greasy hair then I was glowing alright! Once we hit the 4 month mark it was like the spell had been lifted and I felt like a million bucks. The next 5 months flew by in a blur of ultrasounds, decorating, baby showers and preparations. This continued until about 2 weeks before our due date when I was just too big and it was too hot to do much of anything besides hide out in the AC and wait.

We went in on the evening of Monday July 5th to be induced. The doctor was afraid that Caleb was getting too big to wait any longer. We were told that the induction process would start that night, that they would start the pitocin and really kick things into gear the next morning and we could expect to have a baby by around 3pm on Tuesday the 6th. That would've been nice! Everything went according to the plan Monday night and Tuesday morning. By 11am Tuesday morning the doctor had broken my water, the pitocin had been increased and the contractions were beginning to become pretty regular and strong. Our entire family was at the hospital with us starting at about 8am Tuesday morning. It was wonderful having all of that company and distraction. We were really nervous so it was nice to not be in that great big sterile room alone with our thoughts and fears. Had we known then what we know now though we would've asked everyone to leave until we got a little closer so that we could've gotten some rest. Brett's pull-out futon in our room was less than uncomfortable and I can't say that the fancy adjustable hospital bed that I was in was any pillow top either. As it turned out, none of us ended up getting any sleep until about 8 the next morning.

Around 3pm on Tuesday a nurse came in to check on my progress. Just moments before that everyone had left to go get something to eat, some fresh air or just take a walk. The nurse found that the baby's heart rate had dropped dramatically and promptly put an oxygen mask on me. Before I knew it she was on the phone to my doctor telling her all sorts of things I didn't understand, hooking up more monitors to both me and the baby, injecting things into my IV and racing around so fast she became a blur to me. I panicked. I asked her what was going on but all she would tell me is that my doctor would be there soon and that everything was fine. It sure didn't seem fine from where I was sitting! Not 5 minutes later my doctor was there attaching yet more monitors and speaking to the nurse in what I can only assume is some sort of foreign language that you can only learn in medical school. I could tell something was wrong but no one was talking to me. The doctor explained that the baby's heart rate was very low and they were fairly sure that was because his cord was wrapped around his neck. She told me that they had gotten it back up to where it should be but that they were going to watch me closely for the next hour and should it drop dramatically again, I would need an emergency C-Section. Right then my Mom and Brett walked in and I lost it. That was possibly the scariest 15 minutes of my life. I got my epidural about an hour later and was finally able to get some rest. I don't know how anyone manages to labor for any more than an hour without an epidural!

After a very long afternoon and evening we began to push at about midnight. Two hours later, at 2:10am, Caleb was finally here! He weighed 7 pounds 14 Ounces and was 20 1/2 inches long. It was the most exhausting 2 hours I've ever had. Not only was he face up when he was born but his head was tilted sideways and his cord was wrapped around both his neck and his torso. I was only able to see him for a split second from across the room right after he was born. While the nurses and Brett took care of him the doctors and anaesthesiologist were busy trying to take care of me. I lost a great amount of blood and things were getting bad quickly. The doctor decided to rush me into surgery where she did a D&C to try to stop the hemorrhaging. While I was in surgery, Caleb got his first bath and got to know his Daddy, Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles. Five hours later I was out of recovery and got to meet Caleb for the first time. What an amazing little creature he is! By the time we met, the 2 days prior to that seemed like a dream. I uncovered him as fast as I could to count all of his fingers and toes and make sure that everything was where and how it should be. He was the most perfect thing I'd ever seen and I couldn't believe that he was finally here and he was all mine! It was the most precious moment of my life and one that I will never forget.

We've been home now for a little over 2 weeks and it's been wonderful! My Mom and Grandma were here the entire time we were in the hospital and then the first 2 days we were home and they were an invaluable help. We came home to a clean house and a refrigerator full of meals for the weeks to come. They taught us how to give Caleb a bath, feed him and sneak some sleep in ourselves. Brett's family and our friends have continued to help us, teach us and bring dinner. It's been so wonderful and helpful to have all of this support while we recover and get into a routine. Brett was home with us for the first week and it just flew by. We were sad to see him go back to work on Monday morning and he was sad to leave us. That was a hard day for all 3 of us. We could really get used to having Daddy home with us everyday! Our first week was spent sleeping when we could, learning how to take care of Caleb and getting to know each other. Daddy and baby are smitten with each other and practically inseparable. Caleb picks, depending on his mood or what he needs, who his favorite is throughout the day. He's a mama baby most days but has his days where he wants nothing to do with me and only wants his Daddy. Brett has fallen into this role as though he's been doing it his entire life and I couldn't ask for a better partner or Daddy for Caleb!

Since we've been home Caleb has learned to:

- Hold his head up and look side to side

- Roll over

-Put in, take out, and hold his pacifier

- Help hold his bottle

- Smile when Mama or Daddy smiles at him

- Eat and go through diapers at record pace

- Gain more weight than most children do in the first 3 months of life

- Wrap everyone he's met around his sweet monkey fingers :)

We saw the pediatrician this morning and Caleb now weighs 9 pounds 8 1/2 ounces and is almost 22 inches long. He's got a pretty nasty cold but is otherwise healthy and smart as can be! Not to mention that most handsome baby ever born:)

We are so very, very blessed as parents and as a family to have this sweet angel, to have a family that takes such good care of us and friends that are more like family than just simply friends. We look forward to watching him play, learn and grow every day. We hope that you all will enjoy hearing about him and seeing him grow as much as we do!

All Our Love,

Brett, Sam and Caleb