I Wish Someone Would've Warned Me..

I must have read 200 books when I was pregnant with Caleb. Seriously. I read everything I could find beginning with conception all the way up to 2 years old. Somehow in all of this reading I did I never thought to ask or find out what would be going on with me once the baby was here. I'm shocked to say the least.

I had an idea that my body would be a little out of whack for a little while but I never imagined that it would be like this. Don't get me wrong, he is entirely worth it and if we're completely honest here its not like the Sports Illustrated photographers were beating down the door prior to my becoming pregnant but geesh, will I ever have any semblance of my body back? Its not just the stretch marks or the bigger clothes that I didn't know about. I pretty much kissed my old jeans goodbye when I was about 8 weeks along. I knew that I would likely be in my maternity clothes for the duration of the summer and possibly part of fall. That's about as far as I had thought ahead. This is SO not like me!

For example, no one told me that I would open up my underpants drawer one morning and see all those tiny lacy numbers that used to fit and that I loved and start to laugh. There is no possible way that all of this is ever going to get back into all of that. Ditto on my bras. I never bothered to find out how long my body was going to have a mind of its own either. I will spare you the intimate details but will tell you that I certainly could've used some sort of information on periods and hemmeroids before leaving the hospital! I continually have to remind myself that getting Caleb here didn't exactly go ideally and that kind of trauma takes time to recover from. When I was told upon discharge from the hospital that I was looking at 8-10 weeks recovery I think I just chose to not believe it. I now know that was a pretty accurate estimate. Either way, when does this flappy mass of skin on my tummy go away? Will my shoes fit again or shall I toss those out with the underpants an
d bras?
What about the spots on my skin? Do those fade or will I forever look like a connect-the-dots game?

I read that there are women out there that are back into their pre-pregnancy clothes by 6 weeks and don't look like they've ever had a baby. Who are these women and how did they do that without a battery of surgeons, personal trainers and skilled photographers?! Where in the world am I to find the time and energy to work out and tend to my blotchy skin? I think, for now, I will just be happy in the clothes and skin that I have!
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And Then He Colicked

Colic: Noun

Intense abdominal discomfort marked by periods of irritability and crying. No known causes or cures however it is thought to decrease in frequency within the first 3-6 months of life.

This is how Websters defines colic. I beg to differ. My definition would go something like this:

Colic: Verb

An affliction by which your otherwise sweet, happy, smiling angel baby turns into a screaming, purple- faced, inconsolable basketcase. Mommy's fairly confident that gas is causing this however she's trying to make sure you're taking a breath here and there between shrieks and trying not to become an inconsolable basketcase herself so there's really no time for reflection on what the cause(s) may be. Both Grandma and Daddy can expect to get a frantic call at work as can the peditrician.

So there we were having a nice morning of playing and singing and cuddling when out of no where my precious angel is suddenly beside himself. I went down the typical list of feed, change pants, rock, too hot, too cold, uncomfortable, bored, overstimulated, and overtired. Nothing. It was almost as if the harder I tried the more he felt I was patronizing him. He would just get more and more angry with every attempt I made to help. I tried upstairs and downstairs, the floor, his crib, my chest, my bed, dark room and soft music all to no avail. After 2 hours of this I was on the verge of tears and just sure that we needed to get to the emergency room. I've of course heard of colic however I didn't think that it would apply to us. Typically this child burps and passes gas like a truck driver with little or no help. You have to be gassy in order to colic right? Wrong. As the nice lady who fielded my frantic call at the peditricians office told me, colic is not always just gas,
particularily at this age. It can be caused a lot of times by overstimulation. Now they tell me... As I mentioned in a previous post, I believe, as much as I hate to admit it, that I tend to push Caleb to do what I think he should be doing. ie: playing with all of his colorfull toys and listening to me babble endlessly while making stupid faces. Of course this is, most of the time, the exent of the "playing" that we can do together right now. Apparently, just like anyone else, babies can just get plain old annoyed when someone won't shut up! Who knew?! Although I won't typically admit it willingly, I'm a talker. I'm known for this. I may need to work on that seeing as my 6 week old son is already trying to tell me that I talk too much! We've also been out of the house and had quite a few visitors recently so it may be time to scale that back a bit for now.

After I FINALLY was able to calm him down, we both lied down (read:collapsed) for a 4 hour nap. If there was ever a time that I needed a nap, that was the day! Unfortunatly this happened again the next day. Same thing, same time but for a little bit longer. By the time he finally passed out cold of exhaustion that day I was sure I was going to need to be medicated and possibly take drinking back up if this was the way our mornings were going to go from now on! The doctor and everything I read tells me that colic almost never lasts past 3 or so months of age. This is supposed to comfort and reassure me I guess. 3 months old is a LONG time away when you've got a screaming unhappy 6 week old for 3 hours everyday! I'm happy to report however that we haven't had anymore problems with this since (knock on some wood, fast)!. The trick seems to be not to let him get anywhere close to overtired. I've found that if we stick to an 11:00am morning nap then we do just fine. Wish us luck w
ith
staying on schedule! Keeping any kind of schedule right now is almost always easier said than done but we're trying anyway!

Its an interesting thing to suddenly and constantly be second guessing yourself and your every decision. Never, in either my personal or professional life, have I ever encountered anything that shakes my confidence or makes me second guess my every move like this little guy can. I'm typically a pretty confident, decisive and secure girl. Not anymore! I find myself trying to decide with everything I do, or don't do as the case may be, if I'm going to in some way irreversably damage his pshyche or person. I blame all of the reading I do. Everything out there right now will tell you that, no matter what you do, you will cause your child to be Autistic. They talk about Autisim like its the black plague, as in if your child should be autistic all will be lost and the earth will cease to rotate. The powers that be would have you believe that every single child in the nation has Autisim and its their mama's fault. There's a commercial on TV right now advertising the Whooping Cough
vaccination. They tell you that children get Whooping Cough from being held close to their parents (specifically their mother) and Grandparents. The first time I saw it I was ready to start calling our entire family to tell them that they wouldn't be allowed within 200 yards of Caleb until they'd had their vaccine until Brett pointed out that I was being absurd. Was I really going to demand that the entire family be vaccinated whether they wanted to or not? In short, yes I was! See what I mean? The world makes it pretty easy to become a indecisive nutcase! I know in my right mind that's the chances of Autisim or even Whooping Cough are pretty slim but still... what if...?

In closing I would like to thank all of you for your sweet comments. I've been told by quite a few of you that you think I'm a tallented writer and that, so far, you've been enjoying our stories. Writing is something that I've always enjoyed however I guess I never really realized that I had a knack for it. I have my Grandma to thank for fostering my love of reading at a very early age. A large vocabulary will never be something you'll regret having! I have to ask you to bear with me on my spelling. I don't have a spell checker available when posting by email from my phone as I most often do. I can spell, I swear:) I'm actually quite surprised that so many people have enjoyed reading about our day to day life. I figured that most people would find my blog to be smashing bore and only really look at it for the adorable (if I do say so myself) pictures of Caleb. I can't imagine that I will ever tire of sharing pictures of Caleb's sweet face and all of the darling and funny thi
ngs he
does.

I will continue trying to keep you all updated as I have the time. There's always a story to tell by the end of the day!

All of our love,

Brett, Sam and Caleb

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Oh What Fun!

I must apologize for not blogging more recently but I've had my hands full! All of the sudden, in the last 3 or so days, Caleb has gone from a tiny infant to a curious and alert little person. Suddenly he can see his surroundings and I can tell that he gets some of what is going on around him. Since we've been home I've struggled with activities for him. What are we to do all day? As it turns out, not much right now I'm learning. His job is to sleep, eat, poop and repeat and its not an entirely bad idea for mama to try to sleep and eat in between there. Now that he can see what's going on around him our options have opened up a bit and I'm not sure I'm not having more fun most of the time than he is!

Before he was born I fussed and fussed about making sure he had enough toys. Plenty of well meaning people told me that this was not anything to be concerned with right now. As you may guess I ignored them completely. No child of mine would come into this world without a toy to his name! What would we do when it was time to play?! Little did I know that "play", at this stage, to handsome here is watching mama do the dishes or fold clothes or pretty much anything that I or his Daddy will do within his line of sight and narrate for him. He's perfectly happy lying in his little napper watching me do anything and babble like an fool to myself! Not exactly the days filled with rattles and Nerf footballs like I imagined! He actually tends to look at me like I've lost my mind when I try to get him to play with one of his toys. He stares at me as if to say "mom, I'm only a month old, will you back off with the toys already? Geesh, don't you know anything"? I suppose I should just get
used
to this look as its surely not the last one I will get in his life! This all changed about 3 days ago though..

We woke up and came downstairs to have our usual bottle, diaper change and caffiene fix. After all of the necessities had been tended to I decided to lie him on the floor for a little tummy time. He's not a big fan of tummy time unless he's on your chest so he normally pitches a fit. He did exactly that as soon as I set him down that morning. I turned him over on his back and we started with the usual of mama making faces and sounds. Much to my pleasure and surprise he smiled at me! And not one of the "its just gas" kind of smiles either, I'm talking a full on gummy smile. I cried like an idiot for 10 minutes, text messaged everyone I knew and posted it on my Facebook. By the time I pulled myself together he was crying too! Ever since we've spent a good part of our days lying on the floor or walking around outside looking at things. When I point things out to him, he follows my finger and makes sounds that tell me that he sees and acknowledges what I'm showing him. What a si
mple
but satisying thing it is to see the world again through a childs eyes. Its truely an amazing blessing and privilege to watch this little guy learn about the world around him everyday. I can't wait until we can really explore together and do more hands-on things. As I've mentioned before, I'm a bit of an over achiever and I catch myself pushing Caleb to do things that he may not be ready for just yet so I'm working on my patience. Like I said, I think that I'm having more fun most days than he is!

I've been trying hard to catch a picture of his beautiful smile and as soon as I do I won't be able to stop myself from sharing it with everyone! Stay tuned!
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Where Does The Time Go?

Is this not the sweetest smile you've ever seen?! Everytime he smiles it feels like the first time I've ever seen it and it melts my heart all over again! Luckily we're getting to see it more and more these days.

Tomorrow, at 2:10am, our precious baby boy will be one month old. I for one can't believe its already been a whole month. The days fly by around here in a flurry of feedings, diaper changes, laundry and dishes and time seems to be getting away from me. I'm trying desperatly to slow down and enjoy every minute I have with him but I'm not sure that when they're this little its possible. There's just so much to do and I often find that I have to remind myself that the wash will wait and life will go on if the bathroom doesn't get cleaned until tomorrow. This is the part of my personality ( and Brett's too if we're being honest) that I have to watch closely. Being an overachiever has served me very well for most of my life but it seems to be working against me more often than not these days. A sleep deprived mama with clean bathrooms is not a happy and fun mama and that's more important right now.

These first precious moments in my sons life are the reason that his daddy and I have worked so hard to make sure I can stay home full time. I can't imagine a greater blessing than being able to witness all of his firsts and see him learn and grow everyday. As many of you know, because of the complications we had during labor and delivery, Caleb will very likely be our one and only. Being able to stay home full time and experience this with him is the greatest gift Brett has ever given me or will ever give to Caleb. Caleb and I are lucky to have such a wonderful husband and daddy!

We will try to do a better job of posting pictures. I take pictures all day everyday so there are plenty to share! We just need a free moment to upload and post them! We just can't get enough of him!
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Things I Wish I Would've Know

The entire time I was pregnant with Caleb everyone I knew ( and even a few that I didn't) tried to tell me what they thought I needed to know before becoming a mother. A lot of it was pretty universal no matter who you talked to, a lot of it was very helpful and comforting and some of it was just plain scary. I worry enough for everyone so I don't need any help being scared and worried! Like any first time parents we are terrified that we may not only hurt him physically but also somehow scar him emotionally for the rest of his life. We, of course, logically realize that God made these little creatures resilliant if not only for the reason that parents make mistakes. We are under no false impressions that we will be any different.

Everyone told us how hard these first few months would be, how parenthood would irrevocably change us as people and as a couple forever and how we would just instinctivly know a lot of the things that we would need to know so to trust those instincts always. These are the things that stand out in my mind as the most helpful advice we received. There are so many things that I've figured out in the last 3 weeks that I wish someone would've shared with me so now I will share them with all of my soon-to-be mommy friends.

- You've never, ever known love like this. It can't be described. For some it happens as soon as you see your brand new baby and for others it takes a little time. As long as you get there, that's all that matters. It's an amazing moment for a mother when you realize that you've always loved this tiny miracle, you just hadn't met them yet.

- You will automatically stop considering yourself and your own needs. What you need and want no longer matters to you. You will do absolutely anything to make sure this baby has what he needs and wants.

- You had no idea what tired was before now. I don't care how many late nights you've had partying/studying/worrying, you've never known exhaustion like this. Like I said though, it's completely worth it.

- You will figure out, sooner rather than later most likely, that you are going to be peed on, spit up on, pooped on and thrown up on. A lot of times all in the same day. Plan on spending the better part of your day hunched over your changing table. Also, don't wear anything you're too attached to, anything that comes out of baby stains like you wouldn't believe!

- You will be expected to be a mind reader. Read all the books you'd like on hunger cues and symptomatic communiction, God knows I did, but you still won't understand why this precious angel is screaming his face off and turning shades of purple at 3am. Its all about keeping your cool and going through the process of elimination.

- Make time for yourself. Even if you just shut the door and sit in the bathroom in the peace and quiet for 10 minutes. Give that gift to yourself.

- No job that you've ever had or will have is as hard and demanding as being a mom. With that in mind, you'll never do anything that is this rewarding or fulfilling.

And last but certainly not least

- Make sure you're entering into this amazing journey with someone you can trust, rely on and laugh with.

In the end, all that matters is that the baby is happy, healthy and safe. If you've accomplished that, what's a little throw up in your hair? :)
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He's hungry again?

All this kid does is eat.. and eat.. and eat! If there's anything that he knows how to do and do well its eat. And poop. He does a shocking amount of that as well. I'm beginning to worry that he's either got a tape worm or a hollow appendage. To see him when he's hungry, which is about every 40-90 minutes, you'd think we're starving him. Clearly this isn't the case. We have the formula bill to prove it! Speaking of which, if he continues at this rate I'm afraid Brett's going to need a second job or we're going to need to take out a loan! He's such a big boy and growing so quickly that formula alone doesn't seem to be keeping him satisfied for long.

On my mom and grandma's advice I gave Caleb a little rice cereal tonight. He had about a tablespoon. I don't believe in putting it in a bottle for many reasons so I fed it to him by spoon. He not only ate it all but did so like a barracuda and ate off of his spoon like he was an old pro! I was all prepared for him to make faces and then spit it out at me right away but he surprised us. I can't lie, he did make a few faces and had to play with it for a minute before he got the hang of it but once that was all over he went to town!

I'm fully aware of both sides of the cereal argument, particularly as it pertains to giving it to infants. I would like to clarify that I didn't do it in hopes that it would make him sleep longer at night. I also don't agree with that reasoning. He only wakes up twice in the night and is only awake long enough to eat, burp and have his pants changed so there wouldn't be any reason for me to try to trick him into sleeping better. We consider ourselves fortunate that he already sleeps so well. Even with this nasty cold that he's had he's still slept for at least 2 hours at a time. It seems that he's his mothers child!

The problem now is that, after he had his cereal, he of course passed out cold for about an hour and then was awake and wanting a 4 ounce bottle. He took another 45 minute nap and then had another 2 ounces. He's been up roughly every hour or so since and had at least 2 ounces each time so we're really right back where we started. If anyone has any better ideas, I'm absolutely open for suggestions! It just doesn't seem to me that he's satisfied after his feedings although he is giving me my requisite of wet diapers. What's a mama to do?

P.S. We took a bunch of really cute pictures of him eating his cereal. I will post them soon!

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How The Time Flys!

At 2:30 this morning I was awake (sort of) feeding monkey and it dawned on me, at 2:30am exactly 3 weeks ago he had just been born and was probably having his first bath with Daddy while I was in surgery. Where did the last 3 weeks go? As this was all running through my mind I was looking at Caleb and thinking that it seems he's been here all my life. Its an amazing thing to realize how much you've missed and loved someone that didn't even exist. He's the tiny piece of my life that's been missing this whole time and what I truely belive I was put on this earth for. I think his Daddy feels the same way. Neither of us can imagine how we ever lived without him. We are sleep deprived, quickly becoming poor with the way this kid eats and poops, and our house is cluttered and filthy but we wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Whatever it takes, he's worth it!

Caleb and I had somewhat of a rough start together. Our labor and birth was very long and traumatic for both of us and it very nearly killed me. He was taken away from me as soon as he was born and we didn't meet until about 5 hours later. We spent about 45 minutes together and then he was wisked away from me again so that I could rest and have the 2nd of 3 blood transfusions. For the first few days I had seen him so little that he seemed like a figment of my imagination. As you can imagine, that first 24 hours of seperation hindered our initial bonding. In the weeks since we've been home we've made up for that lost time but it hasn't been easy to do so. The first week we were home there was an almost constant stream of visitors. He dealt with all of the people, comotion and being manhandled pretty well for the first few days. Finally he'd had enough and just had a little baby panic attack. It was terrible and it took nearly 2 hours to calm him down. Brett and I decided then
and
there that we'd be drastically limiting the amount of people allowed to visit and not allow most people touch him. He's one of those babies that is very easily overstimulated and once he's reached that point all hell breaks loose!

We've managed to stick to our agreement to limit the amount of visitors that we have and people that are allowed to touch him and although its worked like a charm and we have a generally happy baby now we've managed in the process to upset more than a few friends and family members. We absolutely know that everyone has the very best of intentions and just wants to help and we are so genuinely grateful for everyone's help and support. We never intended to hurt anyone's feelings and we hope that they will understand that our sole motivation for doing this is to protect our little boy. We still, every minute of every day, want to show him off to anyone and everyone that has eyes and shout from the rooftops that we have the most precious and perfect angel God ever made but that's not what's right for Caleb. If you're one of the people that we've upset by doing this, please try not to be too angry with us. If you'll just be patient with us we promise that, once he and Mommy have h
ad some
time to get to know one another, we've found some semblance of a routine and mommy is all healed up everyone that wants to meet him and get to know him will be more than welcome!

We love all of you and can't wait for you to know this sweet baby boy!

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